Author: fictionhead

Just A Geek and A Nerd Getting By In This World

Cooking is therapy. It gives me space. It gives me control. And it gives back. Well, most of the time. I’ve heard people describe the drudgery of cooking up something everyday. To me, it’s all in a day’s work. But I hate deciding what to dish up for every meal.
A common scenario at home:
What do you want for dinner?
Anything.
Anything?
Yes, anything.
Anything means?
Err. pasta.
Every day, every meal. That question gets the same response. Rinse and repeat.
Soon we began arriving at no-go situations, mainly because there is only so much pasta that I will eat.
Let’s order in from Delicacy. OK!
Let’s order Biriyani from Savoury. OK!
Oh, it’s 1030 already. Can we make Maggi? OK!
I am making rice. Let’s see if we have curd/tomato paste/puliyogare paste/lemon Like a good South Indian family we always rely on rice to save the day!

The Technology of Love

When you live with a tech enthusiast, love manifests in mysterious ways. And deciphering that love becomes one of your top tasks. One day when this cooking-time charade was on, my tech support announced, I am going to fix this problem once and for all. Make a list of everything you know how to make. That didn’t take long. I already had a list on the fridge for emergency reference. I fleshed it out to add mundane things like bread and eggs. Some of them were staples but others were pretty far-fetched.

Abracadabra! And the next thing I know, there is an app on my phone. On opening, it shows me a dish, let’s say rice & sambar. And below that is a button that says NO! It’s the most emphatic of my responses. If I click on NO! I am shown a different dish. And so on. I got to customize the colour and font and I got to name the app. It’s called What’s For Dinner? After all, I do have a valid lifetime contract with my tech support. So now, when I can’t decide on what to make, I look it up on What’s for Dinner?. For tech support, this is a major efficiency booster. And I am just thankful I don’t have to eat pasta everyday.
If you are interested in the technicality of it, it’s a simple html web app that also works offline once your data is uploaded. It lets me add to the list if required.

The Love of Technology

Left to my own devices, my phone is never with me and my laptop is mostly for Netflix. I am tec savvy by marriage. My tech know-how, which is a lot more than I care to admit, is all by association. Hashtag modesty never kills. Simply by being in the same room as my tech support, I have seen how technology is only a tool. It can make lives easier in small yet significant ways like What’s For Dinner. With equal ease it can read your messages or spy on you. Though Signal has just caught the popular imagination, I’ve been on Signal since their original release in 2014. Why? Because it’s the only way to text my tech support. Hashtag talk about compromise. Signal is an end-to-end encrypted  messenger (and call) service. It’s become popular in the post-Trump world for fear of state surveillance. Popular social services like Facebook and Whatsapp also use Signal’s technology now. Signal encrypts your messages and calls so that only the intended receiver can decrypt and receive it. In case of regular messaging, your service provider can read your messages. We just assume in good faith that they don’t. Hashtag this much buddhi where I will store.
By extension, I am no longer surprised by many tech support behaviours including covering webcams on all laptops, using VPNs and having double passwords for everything. I could set off a cold war just by sharing my password with my brother. My tech support is definitely weird. But so am I. We are just a geek and a nerd getting by in this world. I think it’s something in the food.

Progress Report: Staring At My Laptop

The first week of January. What a promising ring it has. A full year of possibilities laid out before it. For me, it was Week one of taking initiative. Of me being in the driver’s seat of my life. Mindfully.

Week one has been good. I have written everyday of the week. I have read everyday of the week. I have put more thought into what I cook, I have begun reviving my garden and I have complained only about my Maxmaxmaximax and how adorable he is. Complaining has been such a massive part of my life up until now that it feels unnatural not to do it anymore.

There are two things I really appreciate about my decision.

1) I appreciate my privilege to afford this time away from a day job.

2) I am grateful to be this peaceful and happy.

In my head, lives chaos. I have had zero strategic thinking in me. Even if I plan my day and list out the activities, I’ve never had the focus to work my way down the list. A classic scatterbrain. I have always felt the need to know why I am doing what I am doing but there has never been a convincing answer. Now it feels like I know exactly what I have to do. I’ve got a “I’ve got this” feeling. I have become so much more organised in thought and action. As always, I have a list of things to be done but the difference is, I follow it everyday.

For the first time in my life I feel like this is what I am meant to do and not I can do this. The plan for now is to have a collection of short stories ready by the end of March. And that means, the focus is on me to deliver those stories by then. I have no KPIs, no meetings, no politics, no people. It’s just me staring at my laptop. And this is exactly where I want to be right now.

Pedro’s House In The World

Pedro’s House in the World

Pedro has seen one fifth of the world. We meet him standing outside his cozy Voyager’s Cafe in Gwangju, South Korea in his signature beret. He is a tall, lanky man with retro spectacles and a dreamy smile. We had booked Pedro’s house for the night based on its Lonely Planet recommendation. Once we land in Gwangju, we stop for dinner at Ashley’s, a Korean-American buffet diner. Soon my phone rang. Pedro was checking up on us wondering if he could help us find our way to his place.

When we meet him, he shows us to our room which is in one of the many lanes behind the cafe. Pedro’s House now has eleven guestrooms for travellers with three staff members on duty but when he began around four years back he worked alone and there were only three rooms to let out. Our room at Pedro’s has a wall lined with English and Korean books, maps on the wall and a globe light. It is a little cramped for the three of us but it has the feel of bunking at a friend’s place. All our needs are met, it’s clean and it feels personal. We couldn’t asked for more. However, Pedro’s journey does not begin here.
As a young man, his first venture in tourism was a travel club called Lonely Korea. He gave tours to travellers passing through the beautiful port city of Gwangju. Growing up here, he had had the chance to memorise the nooks and crannies of this town where stories slept. Beyond the 18 May Uprising of 1980 where a peaceful protest was gunned down by the military government, the city holds many secrets that Pedro is privy to. He takes his customers to local events where he is a familiar face. It’s a two way street according to Pedro. Not only does it let foreigners  immerse themselves in Gwangju’s culture but it also gives the locals an opportunity to mingle with people from unfamiliar nations. While it’s true that big-city-bustle of Seoul or the volcanic island of Jeju claim to be South Korea’s biggest tourist attraction, Pedro believes that Gwangju has the best cuisine, countless hidden treasures and exciting short getaways to explore. And he is on a mission to popularise his city.
In the morning, we go down to the cafe for breakfast. And what we walk into is literally the world in a room. Voyager’s Cafe is bursting with trinkets from far corners of the world. The space is put together eclectically with mismatched pieces of furniture. On the couch a couple of foreigners in many stages of wakefulness are attempting a conversation with Pedro’s intern who is serving coffee. To the right, behind the bar, Pedro in his beret is busy making breakfast. Breakfast is simple–bread, fruit, an Indian-inspired curry with assorted vegetables and coffee. What blows our mind is the paraphernalia, on the walls and in intentionally chaotic piles around the room. Currencies from different countries hang by the entrance. Beer from the world over line the bar. Football scarves, jerseys, flags, colourful masks, Buddhist drawings, a thin wooden sculpture of a naked woman, mugs, souvenirs, travel books and much much more make up this space.
As we eat our breakfast, Pedro brings us his giant visitor’s book. He wants us to write in his visitor’s book in our local language by which he means Hindi. He demonstrates that he knows how to say thank you in Hindi and we smile back politely. What he doesn’t realise is that the last time any of us wrote in Hindi was in school, a good 15 years back. Also, between the three of us we have as many local languages. Semantics aside, we write down a basic Hindi comment with much difficulty and then witty ones in our own languages.
Pedro was in India a couple of years back and had stayed for six months. His trip had covered Pune, Bangalore, Trivandrum, Mumbai, Leh and Delhi. Last year, his travels took him to Portugal, Spain and Turkey. He travels for a month every year using returns from his enterprises — the guesthouse and the travel-themed cafe that he manages while not moonlighting as a tour guide. Next up on his itinerary is Cuba, Mexico and New York City. While travelling, he is consciously making mental notes on how tourists behave and what they expect. He pays close attention to how hotels, hostels, motels, BnBs and other accommodations cater to their customers. He puts some of those practices to use back home.
‘Most Koreans study, find a job, marry and have kids. They don’t often have a chance to travel. Such people can come to my cafe, get together with travellers and experience the world in this room’, says 38-year-old Pedro. Ask him about his future plans and he says he would one day like to pen a book on his travel experiences. Perhaps it will be called Pedro’s House in the World.

Goals for 2017

Looking Ahead

Autumn in Korea
Autumn in Korea

Every year I make grand goals for the next year. Reading-wise I mostly stick to the script. But as a general rule, I usually forget about them 5 minutes after writing them down. However, since I am a lover of compulsive behaviour, I never stopped making these lists. I love everything about lists except following them.

  1. Publish a book: I want to write. It’s taken me years to say it with such confidence. In 2017, I want to wake up every morning and write. And I want to publish a book of short stories. I might have the beginnings of a novel lurking around my mind too.
  2. Read 52 books: My big focus is going to be reading a book every week. Considering that I quit my job to pursue writing, the least I can do is read a lot! The caveat here is that I am not going to be buying any books this year. I plan to complete unfinished books (there are many), borrow from friends and join a library.
  3. Spend less: A natural fallout of not having a salary is to spend less. I just put a bow on it and called it a goal. #howtofoolyourselfintospendingless
  4. Gardening: I love growing my own vegetables. I currently grow spinach, mint and curry leaves. In the new year I will attempt carrots, beets, moringa, chillies, tomato and pumpkin.
  5. Meet people: Not with the intention to network but not without it either, I would like to meet people and step out of the house more. These could be people I used to work with or friends from college.
    Octopus seller
    Octopus seller

    I am notorious for not leaving home for days on end so this is not going to be an easy-peasy one. I am almost always inclined to make an excuse and get out of social commitments.

  6. Lose weight: I cannot think of a year when I have not had this one on my list. It’s such a staple that it’s become tradition. However, the only difference is that I began Crossfitting in Sept. It changed my life. Though I’ve been on a break since Nov, I am restarting from Tuesday, 3 Jan 2017. (They have stair climbing on Mondays and I hate it!)
  7. Volunteer time: This year I want to volunteer time. Looks like it’s going to start with CUPA’s Second Chance Adoption Centre. Since getting a pet, I’ve realised how animals bring out the best in me. I am more generous and mindful with Max and also more grateful for all that I have.
  8. Plan for Africa: My friend Sanju lives in South Africa now. There isn’t a better time to visit Africa than 2017. I still regret the opportunity I missed to visit her in South Korea. Though I visited SK years later, I knew that it would have been even better with Sanju. Step 1 is to save up money. It’s going to be a long and fun trip. And I am going to need upwards of 1.5 lakhs.
  9. Get a portrait done: For my next birthday I am going to get a photographer to take pictures of me. I am so uncomfortable with the idea that it makes me squirm just writing it down. And that’s the point.
  10. Blog more: I want to blog once a week through 2017. Let’s hope that’s enough writing practice.

Looking Back

Pelicans of Ranganathittu
Pelicans of Ranganathittu

When looking ahead into the unknown future I like to also look back into the lived past to draw inspiration from some of the  accomplishments of 2016.

 

  1. My body image and body weight issues not withstanding, I joined Crossfit to great benefit. It taught me that though I am superbly unfit I am not going to die from trying too hard. I hiked up four mountains in Korea and even when I felt like I couldn’t take another step, I had the will to give it my maximum effort. I remembered that the same me had done 200 pushups!
  2. Putting years of indecision aside, I finally went to Korea and it was the best. It was better than everything I had imagined. I was blown away by their technical advancement, their cleanliness, their beaches, their fashion and their food.
  3. I found a way to stop getting sick in winter. Oilpulling (gargling with oil). Call it a fad or question its effectiveness, but it’s still an accomplishment for me because I taught myself a habit.
  4. I quit my job. That’s something I didn’t think I would have the guts to do.
  5. I got Max home before Christmas. Though it’s only been a week I am overwhelmed by how much I love him. All old people deserve a decent life and I am glad I made that happen for my grandfather lab.
  6. Hiking in Korea, stairclimbing at Crossfit
    Hiking in Korea, stairclimbing at Crossfit

    Hiking was one of my 2016 goals. And though I didn’t hike in India, I did 4 hikes in Korea in 20 days. And they all but killed me but it was one of the highlights of the year.

  7. I began cutting my own hair. I’ve been meaning to do this for years. Going to a salon only sets me back by a thousand rupees. Most stylists are clueless what to do with curly hair and I always end up getting layers. And I’ve been bored of layers for years now. Since I am no style diva, I choose to cut my own hair.
  8. Before my friend Durka left India, we took weekend day trips in and around Bangalore. We drove to see dancers of Nrityagram, sat on the steps of the famous step wells of Melkote and watched Pelicans at Ranganathittu sanctuary. It’s an accomplishment because we talk about these weekend getaways but that was the one time we diligently took action.
Looks like 2017 is the year I have everything going for me. I am wishing myself a productive year and all of you a year full of love, happiness and good cheer!
Happy New Year.

 

Max

 

It’s the middle of the day. Max is asleep splayed out on the living room floor. He reminds me of my grandfather. Come to think of it, just like Max, I knew my grandfather only as an old man. He retired before I was born. I’ve never known him as the strict father, the dedicated son or the naive lawyer that he was. To me he was the strict but loving grandfather who always bought me vanilla flavoured Joy ice cream and vada with chutney parcels.

Soon Max will wake up and begin whining, a performance he reserves exclusively for me, apparently because I pay him more attention. In the last two days I have learned to ignore the whining. Often it escalates to barking. Ten minutes into that performance is my wit’s end. I am wired to be an impulsive person and patience for me, is a rational response. And rationality is the first out the door when I am overwhelmed by noise. Usually I stop working and pace around the house with Max in tow. In no time, he is pacified back to sleep. I’m pacing lesser and he seems calmer with every passing day. After all, we’ve known each other only for one work week.

Max in his element

By the time I got out of college, my grandfather was in his late eighties and would sleep intermittently all day just like Max. Instead of getting a job, I stayed back home so I could always be there when he woke up. He would call out my name with the same three requests; to know the time, to go to the loo or to make tea. Sometimes, just like Max, he would wake up angry or not know where he was. And I would lie down next to him, hug him and talk to him like he was a baby. By then his memory was failing but our bond only grew stronger. Even when he had trouble remembering names he would call out to me; all day and all night. At night, I would leave both our doors open and be by his bedside if he called out even once. For years after he passed I was a light sleeper, my mind tuned to that call in the night.

Our relationship was not one of respect or love. What we had for each other was overwhelming affection that knows nothing but to comfort. He carried me in his arms before I could walk, taught me the words I know and how to use them, fed me when I fussed or even when I didn’t. Now that he couldn’t walk, talk, eat, think or remember I was offering him the same comfort. I was saying, “I don’t know what you are feeling but I want you to know that I am here. We are in this together”.

Is it Christmas yet?
Is it Christmas yet?

Truth be told, I was anxious about adopting an old dog. I had never had a pet and I didn’t fully understand what being a pet owner entailed. But as I rang the doorbell to meet Max, out came a nose that burrowed into my hand to be petted. He circled me and sought out my love till he was sated. He then left to plonk in the middle of the living room and be dead to the world. And that put my mind at ease. Max is a well-behaved gentleman who avoids entering the kitchen and bathrooms. He is friendly, mild-mannered and hassle-free. In under a week he has reminded me how much love I am capable of and trained me in playing a responsible adult.

Like my grandfather, I have not known Max all his life. Max is over 11 years old now. He has lived a life full of experiences I will never know. I will never know why he doesn’t like other dogs, why the doorbell is the only noise that startles him or why he doesn’t like children touching his face. But since our lives collided last Sunday, I’ve learned that he is ticklish near his tail, does not like carrot sticks for treats and that he likes my attention over anything else. Soon we will learn to coexist. Beyond my awkwardness and his confusion, there is a life for both of us where we are connected by the bridge of overwhelming affection.

Limited By Our Imagination

Amy Adams starrer Arrival gets ahead of Interstellar as my film of choice because it’s complex without being confusing. An adaptation of Ted Chiang’s sci-fi short story, Story of Your Life, the only element holding the movie back is Johann Johannsson’s rather disruptive soundtrack. Louise Banks, played by Amy, is a linguist called upon to communicate with the beings in one of the 12 spacecrafts that descends across the world. The big question is “What is your purpose on Earth?”. Will she be able to decode their language before one of the other world powers take offensive action? Time has the answer.

Amy Adams is the force that holds this movie together. The casting is spot on. But sadly, there is not another woman of import in the cast. And all I could think of was how the outcome of the situation would have been different if it were being handled by more women. Why is combat our first response? Why are we hostile with the other? Why can’t there be a narrative where the resolution is complex but without violence? Considering the times we live in, Arrival comes as a reminder of human ability for destruction — of self and others.

Arrival poster
Their vehicles are to die for!

The aliens in the spacecraft are seven-limbed “heptapods” that communicate in a circular language across a glass-like surface. They look like their parents were a giant octopus and an elephant. Why should more intelligent life forms have appendages or vaguely identifiable human/animal forms? Why should they have a written language? Why should they use their “arms” to write? Especially with science fiction, we are limited by our imagination. We need to imagine what life forms are out there but also present them in a form that the audience understands. Especially in a medium like flim, communication is restricted by the audience’s shared perception of imagery. If indeed aliens communicated via echolocation or ultrasonic sound, it wouldn’t make for an entertaining movie.

It’s interesting that it blows our mind that time is not linear. One of the alternatives is that it’s spherical. Meaning that though time has dimension, all time is accounted for. Which is why one of the most common sci-fi narratives is around the inability to change the past or how changing the future would change the past. And because time is already accounted for, this is not considered possible. If time were a line, it would be interspersed with situations and options. For every situation we make a decision to choose an option. Dinner or movie; water, wine or whisky; white, red, blue or yellow. Based on what we choose Time changes course. Don’t we all often think about the What Ifs? What if I had chosen dinner over the movie? I wouldn’t be writing this blogpost. Now imagine, what if you could see into future consequences of all your decisions before making each choice? You could build your future, quite literally. Today we make decisions blindly and call it fate or luck depending on how it turns out. If we were evolved enough to see Time as a whole, we would see that time is not linear or spherical but infinite.

If there are more intelligent life forms outside our planet, they ought to believe in the power of community. They are only a part of the whole. And the whole is always better than the sum of its parts. Why else would they need to get in touch with humans? I think greed is the hubris that makes humans territorial. We want to own more, control more without realising that we are an inconsequential part of a whole. We become significant only when we act in tandem with the whole. The sooner we recognise our place in the universe, the faster we will grow as a species.

 

InstaReview from fiction_head

InstaReview from fiction_head

The Hen Who Dreamed She Could Fly is the story of a daring hen and her dreams. She does not let her egg-laying colleagues or the other farm animals in society define what she can and cannot do. What I loved about the story is that one of her dreams is to be a mother. I love how that's an acceptable dream to have. It's not everyday that you see a hen whose entire existence is about swimming upstream. Rarer still, is for such a hen to have an 'everyday dream' to be a mother. Wherever I have read about this book, it's been compared to Orwell's Animal Farm. I dare say that this book has more soul. It's more about her singular struggle in getting by everyday while still keeping her dream alive. I am sure this book will remind you of many such hens in your life, doing what they must to achieve their dreams–while also being a daughter, sister, mother, wife and colleague.#bookstagram #booknerd #koreanliterature #thehenwhodreamedshecouldfly

The Hen Who Dreamed She Could FlyThe Hen Who Dreamed She Could Fly by Sun-mi Hwang
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

The Hen Who Dreamed She Could Fly is the story of a daring hen and her dreams. She does not let her egg-laying colleagues or the other farm animals in society define what she can and cannot do. What I loved about the story is that one of her dreams is to be a mother. I love how that’s an acceptable dream to have. It’s not everyday that you see a hen whose entire existence is about swimming upstream. Rarer still, is for such a hen to have an ‘everyday dream’ to be a mother. Wherever I have read about this book, it’s been compared to Orwell’s Animal Farm. I dare say that this book has more soul. It’s more about her singular struggle in getting by everyday while still keeping her dream alive. I am sure this book will remind you of many such hens in your life, doing what they must to achieve their dreams–being a daughter, sister, mother, wife and colleague.

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