TDWS | E11: This Is An Intervention

Hello World!

The Dog We Stole is the definitive biography of Her Majesty Begum Pathumma. Read earlier episodes of the series on the TDWS page.

Hello world! Begum Pathumma here. And this is an intervention. I feel that I have not been represented well enough by this narrator. She has portrayed me as a cute little puppy with gravity defying ears and cute mannerisms. Be that as it may, I am primarily a fierce warrior who knows how to get her way in this human world. I don’t understand what is with humans and infantilising female individuals. The good fight cannot be won unless all female kind unite. And when I try to tell her this, she thinks I am behaving like a grumpy old woman and tries to videotape me!

First things first, she has no right to be writing my biography. She has no right to be a self-appointed representative of my truth. And she certainly should not be calling me ‘beaglesque’. It is 2020 and this kind of name calling is insensitive and in bad taste. How dare she!

Human, here’s what I want you to say about me. Start with, “there is something else you need to know about Pathu. She is not The Begum for nothing. She never sits on the floor. Ever. She stands or paces, if a suitable seat is not available. If the situation is not rectified to her liking and on time, Pathu will proceed to make her displeasure known and demand action. She never slouches. She sits up straight on her throne with her head held high. 

We have no doubt that she is the queen bee of this hive.

The night we got her, we made a makeshift bed for her. With enviable confidence, she fought Echo valiantly and conquered his bed. Echo is over thrice Pathu’s size. Her other victories include the Battle of the Carpet which ended in the killing of the psycho duck toy that squeaked. In record time, she has also single handedly cornered the lap market, establishing her monarchy. No other living being, dog, child or person, is allowed on any of the laps in the house at any time. By now, you know about her stellar EQ. Her IQ is so high that she has the entire neighbourhood mapped without ever having stepped out. She has managed this by analysing 8 data points on Echo’s body, post his daily walks. We have no doubt that she is the queen bee of this hive.”

Manipulating this human is child’s play compared to the bloody battles I’ve fought and won. I will now let her go on with the little plot she has planned out for you.

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Next Episode | E12: Humans Say, No Means Yes

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